


Au Revoir, Mon Fil

by I_am_a_Ruin



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Child!Canada, Dealing With Loss, F/F, FACE Family, Pancakes, So much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 06:47:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8654872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_am_a_Ruin/pseuds/I_am_a_Ruin
Summary: I didn't post a relationship even though FrUK is in this because it's not about their marriage.The Kirkland-Bonnefoys have to deal with a horrible tragedy they had never suspected would ever happen.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is dedicated to a friend who recently lost her little brother to suicide.  
> This is also for anyone else who has lost someone to suicide or to anyone considering suicide.  
> Trigger warnings: suicide

Marianne danced around the kitchen, preparing breakfast. She stirred the yummy pancake batter, throwing in the blueberries that her little Amelia loved so much. A perfect compromise for the twins. And a side of fresh strawberries from their garden for her lovely wife, Alice. The aroma of coffee filled the house as it brewed and a mug of tea spun around in the microwave. She hummed a song from  _ Les Miserables,  _ “Do you hear the people sing, singing a song of ang-” 

“Frog, do you have to be so loud at fucking seven am?” Alice asked grouchily as she stumbled into the kitchen, long blonde hair a knotted mess. 

“OF ANGRY MEN! IT IS THE MUSIC OF A PEOPLE WHO WILL NOT BE SLAVES AGAIN!” Marianne sang passionately at the top of her lungs. Alice pressed her palms into her ears and gave Marianne a violent death glare. 

Marianne grinned merrily at her and waved the whisk in her hand before going back to pouring batter onto the pan. 

“You’re such a morning bitch.” Alice whined, collapsing heavily in a chair.”

“I believe the term you are looking for is ‘morning  _ person _ ,’ Alice dear.”

“Definitely a bitch.” Alice huffed, burying her face in the crook of her elbows. 

“Mommy?” Madeline asked sleepily, rubbing her eyes. 

“And you woke Maddie too.” Alice snapped, standing to pull the fourteen year old girl into the kitchen. 

“I wonder why Amy isn’t up yet.” Marianne questioned, flipping one of the pancakes.

“Because she is a heavy sleeper and it is seven am and she doesn’t get up before noon if she can help it.” Alice said, her voice grumpy. She left to get a hairbrush in order to brush her daughter’s hair out. 

“Maddie,  _ mon chouchou _ , would you wake your sister please?” 

“Okay, mama.” Maddie responded and left as well. 

Marianne had gotten the first pancake on her large, Christmas-y plate when she heard Maddie’s scream. She immediately abandoned her cooking to find out what was wrong. She would regret ever going into that room for the rest of her life. And even more, having sent Madeline in there first. 

“ _ Mon Dieu! Amélie… Mon chouchou, non! Non! S’il vous plait, mon Dieu, non! Composer le  9-1-1!”  _ Marianne sobbed hysterically, falling to her knees at the sight. 

The little girl hanging from the closet rail. Her face a bluish ashy colour and her usually bright blue eyes bulging and dull. Her precious Amelia had gone from the world.

Maddie was shaking so hard and her face ashen. Her mouth open and closed noiselessly. She was unable to move away or tear her gaze from the scene. Her sister. Her hero. The one who promised to protect her forever from all the bullies at school.

“Is everything-” Alice asked from behind them. 

“ _ Alice, non!”  _ Marianne cried, rushing forward to keep her wife out of the room. She couldn’t see it too. She couldn’t let her be scarred forever. Already, Marianne was haunted by that image burned behind her eyelids. 

“What’s going on, dear? What’s wrong? Why are you crying? Is Maddie hurt?” 

“It’s… it’s Amy,  _ ma cherie _ .” Marianne stammered out. 

“What is wrong with Amy?” Alice asked. Alice looked scared, as though she knew her life was about to come crumbling down around her.

“She’s… she’s…” Marianne sobbed, breaking down again.

“She’s dead.” Madeline’s voice was emotionless, her face stony and her gaze a million miles away.

The look on Alice’s face broke Marianne’s heart even more. She screamed and fought, kicking and clawing as she tried to break past Marianne and run into her daughter’s bedroom. “NO! NO AMELIA NO! MY BABY! She… sh-she can’t be. YOU’RE LYING!”

Marianne held her wife until the woman fell to the ground, bawling in complete and utter hysterics, unable to say anything else. She didn’t even hear the front door open and close behind Maddie.

****

They found the note later. Or rather Madeline did. She almost never left Amy’s room after that day. Just sat on the bed and stared listlessly at the closet that her sister had occupied. She hadn’t said a word since that day. A form of PTSD, the psychiatrist had told them. Denial was why she had not cried. PTSD was why she felt nothing at all and was unresponsive. Why she had to be fed. But that was not why. It was because her sister was dead. 

The note had broken her family’s heart even more. A shattered fourteen year old’s confession. It was less a note and more one singular diary entry, presumably made that day. 

**I’m a trans bisexual. I’ve never told anyone before except my friends. I don’t have friends anymore…. I’m sorry. I just… I can’t go to school anymore, I can’t. And I know I’ll only be a disappointment to all of you. Maddie’s gay, you guys are both gay. All female. I’ll never be the daughter you want me to be, the little girl you think I am. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone anymore. I’ll never fit in. I’m not gay or straight or even a proper male or female. I’m a female-at-birth male. I don’t even feel like I’m a real person. I can’t take what everyone says anymore. I…. I’m so tired. So very tired. I hate myself for not being the little girl you all deserve. I wish I had been born a boy. Everything would be easier then. At least you would know who I was. I feel like such a freak.**

Alice was almost never home from work anymore. She worked constantly. She had stayed home with Maddie at first, but when it became clear that their little Madeline Kirkland-Bonnefoy was completely shut down, it was time to go back to work before they ran out of money. She had to work twice as hard because Marianne could hardly get out of bed. And when Alice was home, she was drunk out of her mind. She could barely be in the house without being drunk. Having never seen her daughter hanging there, her imagination ran wild, producing horrors around every corner.

Marianne could hardly get out of bed for the nightmares that kept her awake all night. At night she obsessively cleaned the house. She had even, at three in the morning, grown so restless as to drive to the closest store and come back to start repainting the place. Alice had found her the next morning sobbing on the dining room floor with Amelia’s teddy bear clutched tightly in her arms. Alice made her coffee and carried her to bed. 

The two never fought, not at first. Both were too scared of breaking the other even more and were so frightened for their daughter who was wasting away in their dead daughter’s bedroom. 

Madeline didn’t go to school again for three months. And when she did go to school her once straight A’s had dropped to low C’s and D’s, doing just enough to technically pass. She saw her twin everywhere. She saw her playing in Marianne’s fruit and vegetable garden and in Alice’s rose bushes outside. She saw her in the kitchen whenever someone made apple pie. She could not go within a block of any McDonald’s. She saw her every single minute she was in Amy’s room. She could hear the crying, see a tiny child balled up in the corner. 

How had she never noticed how bad it had gotten for her? Amy had always seemed so… bright and happy and strong. She was obnoxiously hyperactive all the time. It was hard to believe she had gone through anything that had put her in such a horrible place. 

But checking Amelia’s twitter was all the evidence she needed. Posts of freak, fag, pervert… they tore Maddie’s heart out. Some of the worst were from Amy’s old friends. 

**She just wants to be a boy to get attention**

**She’s doing it to get boys.**

**What a confused little freak.**

**She’s such a whore. Guys and girls? More like a lot of sex.**

**You have to pick one, fag.**

Maddie cried for the first time two months later. She was such a horrible sister. She let Amy take all of that hatred about their family and herself and turned a blind eye. That was when Amelia’s name was cut deeply into her thigh. It would scar there for a long time, but eventually began to fade over the years. Other symbols marred her skin over the months. All for her regret and guilt and loneliness. But she could never throw her life away as Amy had, not when her moms were already so distraught. 

They were all seeing therapists but nothing helped. Nothing could change that Amelia had never seen a therapist when she desperately needed one. Nothing could bring back their family. Nothing could erase the image of her hanging from the closet she had taken her life in and the one she had locked herself in and nothing could erase the fact she was buried in the ground. Forever. 

**Author's Note:**

> Suicide is a horrible thing that can ruin friends and family members. All those people in your life you think hate you or your just a burden to? That you are annoying with your very presence? They love you to death. They look up to you. They couldn't imagine a world without you. 
> 
> If you have no one you are comfortable with talking to, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255. They are open 24/7.  
> If you are LGBTQ and have no one you feel you can tell about this or just need someone to talk to please call 1-866-488-7386, the Trevor Lifeline. They can be contacted 24/7.  
> If you are feeling suicidal at all, please talk to someone or call a hotline.  
> If you just need to talk, please feel free to message me. I'll help any way I can.


End file.
